I hate telling people this but I can’t keep my mouth shut today because I need it so badly. I’m in the process of quitting smoking AGAIN! This is the 5th time this year alone.
Today I decided that I would opt for the nicotine patch approach – my eyes are still blurring, my hands still sore and my lungs are still shouting. The place around my arm where the patch is seems to be doing fine though.
What makes quitting so much fun is that your withdrawal leads you into feeling intoxicated. I really feel high. My brain has slowed down, my eyes are all over the place and I feel like I could just flap my arms and fly away. How am I meant to teach children like this?
Having the type of addictive personality that I sadly possess, I find that I should most likely watch myself – I might get addicted to this flying feeling and purposefully smoke and quit again in order to feel it. Actually, I would just carry on smoking.
With each attempt to quit smoking, I have come up with a range of excuses to quit quitting. Here is a list of some of my favourite reasons:
1. I’m running late. I cannot face traffic without a smoke.
2. It’s Monday! I’ve woken up feeling awful; if I don’t smoke I’ll take it out on the children.
3. I know we are supposed to quit baby but there are still 10 smokes inside the box from last night. I can’t bear to go through the day knowing that they are sitting at home not being smoked.
4. My colon hurts! The doctor said that smoking eases it.
5. It’s the only thing that I’m good at.
6. The suspense of not knowing what’s going to kill me is too much. I’ll keep smoking, that way I know.
7. The only time my dad and I bond is over a smoke.
8. The weekend is nearly upon us; how am I not supposed to smoke?
9. I got an increase! We can smoke again!
10. I WANT TO GET THAT FLYING FEELING!
I’m working on my next excuse despite knowing that it’s not worth it.
Addiction is a horrible beast and it makes me wish that I could travel back in time in order to kick my own ass when I was 13.