Daily Archives: September 8, 2010

The Beast Beckons

Right, I’m letting go of the beast and going the whole nicotine replacement route. Fantastic! Well done me…

I am going INSANE!

Life is filled with displeasure and unhappiness – mine is currently self created. Think about it, I’m attempting to quit smoking and as a result I am turning into an unhappy, grumpy old fart who just threw his drum sticks across the room because nothing is feeling right. Don’t worry, I am alone, bar the piano which unfortunately got in the way.

My not smoking is making me unhappy, a mood which is going to impact not only myself but my beautiful lady as well as she is going through the motions too.

I managed to spare my children from the dreaded pits of hell and now the next fight is to do the same for my lady. Which brings me to my next excuse…

Why should we be made to feel unhappy and disillusioned with life and in the process be dragged down? Wouldn’t we both benefit if we just light up another portable cloud of cancer?

A fantastic excuse but one that only seems that way through the high of the withdrawing beast.

Will I give in?
I hope not… or then again, I hope so… or then again, I hope not.

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Quitting the Beast

I hate telling people this but I can’t keep my mouth shut today because I need it so badly. I’m in the process of quitting smoking AGAIN! This is the 5th time this year alone.

Today I decided that I would opt for the nicotine patch approach – my eyes are still blurring, my hands still sore and my lungs are still shouting. The place around my arm where the patch is seems to be doing fine though.

What makes quitting so much fun is that your withdrawal leads you into feeling intoxicated. I really feel high. My brain has slowed down, my eyes are all over the place and I feel like I could just flap my arms and fly away. How am I meant to teach children like this?

Having the type of addictive personality that I sadly possess, I find that I should most likely watch myself – I might get addicted to this flying feeling and purposefully smoke and quit again in order to feel it. Actually, I would just carry on smoking.

With each attempt to quit smoking, I have come up with a range of excuses to quit quitting. Here is a list of some of my favourite reasons:

1. I’m running late. I cannot face traffic without a smoke.

2. It’s Monday! I’ve woken up feeling awful; if I don’t smoke I’ll take it out on the children.

3. I know we are supposed to quit baby but there are still 10 smokes inside the box from last night. I can’t bear to go through the day knowing that they are sitting at home not being smoked.

4. My colon hurts! The doctor said that smoking eases it.

5. It’s the only thing that I’m good at.

6. The suspense of not knowing what’s going to kill me is too much. I’ll keep smoking, that way I know.

7. The only time my dad and I bond is over a smoke.

8. The weekend is nearly upon us; how am I not supposed to smoke?

9. I got an increase! We can smoke again!

10. I WANT TO GET THAT FLYING FEELING!

I’m working on my next excuse despite knowing that it’s not worth it.
Addiction is a horrible beast and it makes me wish that I could travel back in time in order to kick my own ass when I was 13.


Service Announcement

My ideas and ambitions keep changing for this blog and yet again I have been struck by the tree of change – as a matter of fact the entire tree fell on me.

This is a blog about my opinions and thoughts, I express them mainly through ‘poetry’ but I have since decided that I will also add longer pieces where ‘poetry’ will not suffice, this includes pictures. So watch this space!

Thank you to all who do bother to read what I write, I just ask that you would now start to comment, rate, or ‘like’ my posts so that I know if I’m heading in the write/right direction.

Peace